Have you ever noticed that angry men seem to have a need to blame someone for anything that goes wrong? They either blame themselves or look for someone else to blame, like a spouse, a child, the boss, or anyone else they can think of. However, the reality is that sometimes “shit happens” and it is no ones fault.
That’s just the way it is. Because all parties involved try to maintain face, and protect their self esteem, arguments start, feelings get hurt, and marriages and friendships suffer. But really, what does blaming accomplish? Perhaps in the short term, it helps to make you feel better to not accept responsibility and blame someone else. But blaming starts the cycle of making you angry with the them, or angry at yourself. Neither one of those is productive.
Plus, the one who is being blamed gets angry at you, which causes you to be angry at them, and so the cycle continues. This is how many marriages and friendships come to an end. Reality Check! Blaming will not solve the problem, nor will it prevent it from happening again. We need to move past blaming and begin to focus on creating objective solutions to negative situations that will certainly happen. Why not take an objective view of the situation that you are upset about, and list several ways it could have been avoided? Maybe it was something that was clearly out of your control, which is highly likely. There is a line in the serenity prayer that says, “help me to accept the things I Cannot change”. That seems like a good idea to start with. We need to learn to accept that there is no one to blame.
However it if was in your control, the next line in the serenity prayer addresses that, “The courage to change the things I can” Think of how you can respond differently the next time the situation occurs. It is interesting that the next line says, “The wisdom to know the difference” Perhaps we can rephrase that to say “ the ability to understand that trying to place blame is nonproductive, and is more often destructive..